Being able to have good communication skills for couples is vital to the health of the relationship. But being able to communicate is a lot more than talking and listening. It also means that each person needs to uphold the right attitudes as well. If you do not have the right attitudes then emotions could affect the relationship in an adverse way. This in turn can lead to conflict and even the loss of love.
Complaints or concerns tend to be the most common things you will find in any relationship. When a person goes to voice their complaint or concern, they will often do it in a judgmental fashion instead of showing empathy with their concern. When you approach someone in a judgmental way their first response most likely is to become defensive and this is the quickest way to shut down communications.
Before a person sends a complaint to someone it is always a good idea to ask when it would be a good time to have a discussion about a current concern they have. If the present time is not good then politely ask when there would be a better time. Understand you are going to want your spouse or partner to listen to you with patience and they are not going to do so if they have other things on their mind or on their schedule to do.
Once you do have their attention you need to make sure you do not bring an entire laundry list of complaints with you. Stick with one concern and one concern only. Bringing up a huge list of issues is not going to get you anywhere.
Focus on your feelings that directly relate to your concern or complaint. Allowing your partner to visualize how something they do makes you feel emotionally. One example would be if you are tired of them being late, the judgmental way of approaching it would be to say I feel it is very inconsiderate of you to not call when you are going to be late. However the more empathetic way would be to put it more like this When you are late and do not give me a call I feel worried and concerned about you.
Your goal should be to try and simply be heard so that they do not feel like you are pressuring them to fix something on the spot. By making them feel like you are demanding that they come up with a solution on the spot is only going to make them go on the defense. Give them the opportunity to think about what you have said and allow them to take the initiative to come up with a solution.
You also need to listen when it comes to communication. Listening and not being defensive yourself is going to be key to great communication. If you are the one receiving the complaint listen and understand communicating is not about who is right or wrong but about understanding each others concerns.
Your relationship is only going to get stronger if you employ good communication skills for couples. You will then learn to be more willing to let each other voice their opinions and feelings without feeling the need to interrupt. No one likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence, it creates a feeling of disrespect for one another.
Complaints or concerns tend to be the most common things you will find in any relationship. When a person goes to voice their complaint or concern, they will often do it in a judgmental fashion instead of showing empathy with their concern. When you approach someone in a judgmental way their first response most likely is to become defensive and this is the quickest way to shut down communications.
Before a person sends a complaint to someone it is always a good idea to ask when it would be a good time to have a discussion about a current concern they have. If the present time is not good then politely ask when there would be a better time. Understand you are going to want your spouse or partner to listen to you with patience and they are not going to do so if they have other things on their mind or on their schedule to do.
Once you do have their attention you need to make sure you do not bring an entire laundry list of complaints with you. Stick with one concern and one concern only. Bringing up a huge list of issues is not going to get you anywhere.
Focus on your feelings that directly relate to your concern or complaint. Allowing your partner to visualize how something they do makes you feel emotionally. One example would be if you are tired of them being late, the judgmental way of approaching it would be to say I feel it is very inconsiderate of you to not call when you are going to be late. However the more empathetic way would be to put it more like this When you are late and do not give me a call I feel worried and concerned about you.
Your goal should be to try and simply be heard so that they do not feel like you are pressuring them to fix something on the spot. By making them feel like you are demanding that they come up with a solution on the spot is only going to make them go on the defense. Give them the opportunity to think about what you have said and allow them to take the initiative to come up with a solution.
You also need to listen when it comes to communication. Listening and not being defensive yourself is going to be key to great communication. If you are the one receiving the complaint listen and understand communicating is not about who is right or wrong but about understanding each others concerns.
Your relationship is only going to get stronger if you employ good communication skills for couples. You will then learn to be more willing to let each other voice their opinions and feelings without feeling the need to interrupt. No one likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence, it creates a feeling of disrespect for one another.
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