When people discuss marriage dissolution, they most often do so from the woman's vantage point. There is a great deal of time and effort expended on understanding the negative effects divorces can have on wives, but very little mention of the repercussions for men. This shouldn't come as a surprise, since there are many very cultural and societal reasons that explain the lack of attention given to the male perspective on divorce.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
The problem with that grief is that most men struggle to properly deal with those feelings. While women are adept at sharing their feelings with their female friends and family member, many men fear that they'll appear weak if they express themselves in that manner. As a result, they often bottle up their emotions, or turn to alcohol or other risky behavior as a way to cope with emotions they don't fully understand.
That path often leads to depression. And regardless of how severe that depression might be, t almost always leads to isolation from friends and family. Sometimes, depression can become so intense that men suffer from headaches, hypertension, or other ailments. Worst of all, most men end up enduring these travails all by themselves.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
For one thing, men rarely discuss their emotional state in the wake of a separation. The need to internalize sadness is something that has been learned and impressed upon them by societal standards. Men don't cry. Men don't whine. We've all heard those cliches. The sad thing is that this lack of emotional expression has contributed to a general belief that divorces are fairly easy for the husbands, when nothing could be farther from the truth.
For one thing, any marriage dissolution can leave the man feeling like a failure. The fact is that men, for better or worse, are often judged for what they do rather than who they are. When they fail at anything, they tend to internalize that failure and it can diminish their sense of self-worth. And let's face it: for most people, divorce represents the ultimate failure.
As the marriage completely disintegrates, men can lose an identity that often centers around their chief role as the husband in a happy union. That role often provides the central focus of many men's identities, even when they have great careers or other interests. The loss of that marital role can send men scrambling to discover exactly what their identity is without the easy definition provided by marriage.
Fathers can have an even worse struggle. Often times, court proceedings end with the children's primary care being handed over to the mother. This can reduce many fathers' involvement with their children, causing those relationships to deteriorate. As their paternal emotional needs are left unfulfilled, these men can become angry and grief-stricken.
The problem with that grief is that most men struggle to properly deal with those feelings. While women are adept at sharing their feelings with their female friends and family member, many men fear that they'll appear weak if they express themselves in that manner. As a result, they often bottle up their emotions, or turn to alcohol or other risky behavior as a way to cope with emotions they don't fully understand.
That path often leads to depression. And regardless of how severe that depression might be, t almost always leads to isolation from friends and family. Sometimes, depression can become so intense that men suffer from headaches, hypertension, or other ailments. Worst of all, most men end up enduring these travails all by themselves.
The sad fact is that men are affected by divorces to a far greater extent than was previously believed. For most divorced men, the effort to regain self-respect and restore happiness and stability will never be successful until society finally understands that it is not just wives who suffer negative consequences when marriages fail.
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