Dating profiles often seem to blend into each other - particularly when there are lists of attributes on each profile, the same jokes and witticisms. So how can you stand out? Storytelling is a fundamental human attribute. Stories are the essence of humanity; they help us make sense of the world, and make it a more interesting place to live. We are going to use storytelling, so ingrained in our psyches, to make your online dating profile more effective and memorable.
Many profiles seem to be simply a list of words and examples, and as such are not memorable - simply blending in with the hundred others you've read in the last hour. Creating a story lifts it out of obscurity. Psychological research indicates that one of the most successful mnemonic devices for memorising a list of abstract words is to create a story. You can pick any list of words, and if you just try to learn them by rote you won't be nearly as successful as if you can connect them into a story.
Tricks Of The Trade
So why not use this technique to make you stand out and be remembered? Critical to your profile is presenting what would otherwise be a random collection of attributes, experiences and interests as an integrated story. It will make your profile more appealing to your reader and means that they can experience a deeper connection to you because you make more sense to them, and it helps them to remember you even after they have gone offline. These are all highly desirable outcomes.
Storytelling tricks of writers:
1. Show, don't tell. Any writer will have heard this a hundred times. It means you shouldn't force information onto the reader, you should let them experience it and draw their own conclusions. For example, you want them to think you are intelligent. Writing in your profile 'I am intelligent' is not nearly as effective as 'my university paper on the themes of women's liberation in Jane Eyre was published in a leading academic journal'.
2. Structure. Every good story has a structure: a clear beginning, middle and end. The structure reinforces the purpose of the story. Despite the dissected nature of the online profile - height over here, movies over there, photo in the top right hand corner - there still needs to be structure within it all. It should have an introduction, main body and conclusion. Your introduction should be a summary of your main points, your body goes through each point and gives examples, and your conclusion reinforces the points and leaves the reader with something to think about.
3. Focus. Remove extraneous pieces of information from the story. We don't find out that Little Red Riding Hood also visited the baker on Tuesdays, unless this would be important knowledge to the story. I know it feels like there are a hundred and one things to cover while writing a profile, but you should use the brand that you want to portray to ensure that you're focusing on the important parts.
4. The hook. The first line of a book is always the most important, and hardest to write. It needs to introduce the flavour of the book, as well as hooking the audience into the story. If the first line isn't interesting, most people won't keep reading. The same goes for your profile, which we will discuss more under Creating Your Tagline (if you want to read the rest of this book, 'The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles' it's available on Amazon).
5. Find your voice. The way you say something is just as important as what you say. Your word choice indicates a lot about you, and taking time to find the right word can make the difference between a boring or fascinating story. You want to ensure that your writing style reflects your branding. For example, using a lot of slang might undercut your assertion that you are educated and cultured. But similarly, using a lot of highbrow words will conflict with your image of being a down-to-earth, nice guy.
6. Pacing. The punctuation and words you use can have a physical effect on your reader. If you increase the pace of your writing, the reader will start breathing faster, getting more excited and have more adrenaline pumping through their body. If you slow the pacing you can soothe them, help them relax (occasionally send them to sleep). Therefore, you want to pick the pacing for your free writing section that mirrors your branding. If you are aiming for cultured and refined, a slower pace would be more appropriate. If you are going for adventurous and sporty, then you want a faster pace. So, how do you get these different paces? Two simple tricks you can use are punctuation and word choice. More full stops and shorter words with sharp consonants will give a faster pace. Or, more commas and longer words with long vowels will give a slower pace. It's pretty simple once it's pointed out, and you might have been doing it subconsciously in places. However, now you can make your writing more consistent and fix it if you need to.
So, keeping those basics in mind, you can write a kick-ass profile!
Many profiles seem to be simply a list of words and examples, and as such are not memorable - simply blending in with the hundred others you've read in the last hour. Creating a story lifts it out of obscurity. Psychological research indicates that one of the most successful mnemonic devices for memorising a list of abstract words is to create a story. You can pick any list of words, and if you just try to learn them by rote you won't be nearly as successful as if you can connect them into a story.
Tricks Of The Trade
So why not use this technique to make you stand out and be remembered? Critical to your profile is presenting what would otherwise be a random collection of attributes, experiences and interests as an integrated story. It will make your profile more appealing to your reader and means that they can experience a deeper connection to you because you make more sense to them, and it helps them to remember you even after they have gone offline. These are all highly desirable outcomes.
Storytelling tricks of writers:
1. Show, don't tell. Any writer will have heard this a hundred times. It means you shouldn't force information onto the reader, you should let them experience it and draw their own conclusions. For example, you want them to think you are intelligent. Writing in your profile 'I am intelligent' is not nearly as effective as 'my university paper on the themes of women's liberation in Jane Eyre was published in a leading academic journal'.
2. Structure. Every good story has a structure: a clear beginning, middle and end. The structure reinforces the purpose of the story. Despite the dissected nature of the online profile - height over here, movies over there, photo in the top right hand corner - there still needs to be structure within it all. It should have an introduction, main body and conclusion. Your introduction should be a summary of your main points, your body goes through each point and gives examples, and your conclusion reinforces the points and leaves the reader with something to think about.
3. Focus. Remove extraneous pieces of information from the story. We don't find out that Little Red Riding Hood also visited the baker on Tuesdays, unless this would be important knowledge to the story. I know it feels like there are a hundred and one things to cover while writing a profile, but you should use the brand that you want to portray to ensure that you're focusing on the important parts.
4. The hook. The first line of a book is always the most important, and hardest to write. It needs to introduce the flavour of the book, as well as hooking the audience into the story. If the first line isn't interesting, most people won't keep reading. The same goes for your profile, which we will discuss more under Creating Your Tagline (if you want to read the rest of this book, 'The Nice Guy's Guide To Online Dating Profiles' it's available on Amazon).
5. Find your voice. The way you say something is just as important as what you say. Your word choice indicates a lot about you, and taking time to find the right word can make the difference between a boring or fascinating story. You want to ensure that your writing style reflects your branding. For example, using a lot of slang might undercut your assertion that you are educated and cultured. But similarly, using a lot of highbrow words will conflict with your image of being a down-to-earth, nice guy.
6. Pacing. The punctuation and words you use can have a physical effect on your reader. If you increase the pace of your writing, the reader will start breathing faster, getting more excited and have more adrenaline pumping through their body. If you slow the pacing you can soothe them, help them relax (occasionally send them to sleep). Therefore, you want to pick the pacing for your free writing section that mirrors your branding. If you are aiming for cultured and refined, a slower pace would be more appropriate. If you are going for adventurous and sporty, then you want a faster pace. So, how do you get these different paces? Two simple tricks you can use are punctuation and word choice. More full stops and shorter words with sharp consonants will give a faster pace. Or, more commas and longer words with long vowels will give a slower pace. It's pretty simple once it's pointed out, and you might have been doing it subconsciously in places. However, now you can make your writing more consistent and fix it if you need to.
So, keeping those basics in mind, you can write a kick-ass profile!
About the Author:
Want more advice on writing well? Check out Buffy Greentree's website 100 first drafts
