Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free men and the enemy of the game. All men have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that cannot be eliminated, but with proper handling and some tweaking of your mindset, can be controlled.
There are lots of philosophies and stupid cures to handle approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to five and play question games in your head? Hypnosis? Magic ? Come on... There are no simple solutions nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of humanity. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really just one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you previously read and heard. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you have to understand to deal with approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Beautiful women don't make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Women don't by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching a pretty woman.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your ability and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To conquer your approach anxiety, you have to change your perception of skill or your perception of the difficulty.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived difficulty level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow whenever you approached a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you want to overcome approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived skill level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to conquer approach anxiety is a flawed solution.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to increase your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what happens when it doesn't? What happens when some girl doesn't want to talk to you? Then you're right back at square one again - massive approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you must alter the perceived difficulty.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill .
That's all!
All you have to do is alter the frame of your mindset from the extremely stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the harmless "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
If you don't overcome approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long till Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, interesting conversations with attractive women...
There are lots of philosophies and stupid cures to handle approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? thousands and months of cold approaches? Count to five and play question games in your head? Hypnosis? Magic ? Come on... There are no simple solutions nor is there any one proven technique to handle this enemy of humanity. It is difficult to acknowledge but there is really just one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to alter your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget everything you previously read and heard. They're all complicated nonsense. Below are the only things you have to understand to deal with approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Beautiful women don't make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Women don't by themselves emit some gamma ray that makes you feel nauseous, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the thought of approaching a pretty woman.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your understanding of your ability and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to describe his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone simply is having the perceived level of skill in an activity equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge /skill balance, you experience flow /state, whereas an imbalance in challenge and skill results in a different experience. When skill exceeds challenge, you get bored. When challenge exceeds skill, you get anxiety.
3) To conquer your approach anxiety, you have to change your perception of skill or your perception of the difficulty.
If your perceived skill level matched the perceived difficulty level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow whenever you approached a woman. If you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is since your perceived challenge level is higher than your perceived ability. So it stands to reason that if you want to overcome approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived difficulty level or your perceived skill level.
4) Attempting to change your ability level to conquer approach anxiety is a flawed solution.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to increase your skill level by practicing techniques and methods on girl after girl. This is a flawed method to overcome approach anxiety because if you rely on other people's responses to change your perception of your current skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what happens when it doesn't? What happens when some girl doesn't want to talk to you? Then you're right back at square one again - massive approach anxiety because you perceive your skill to be less than the perceived challenge level.
5) To conquer approach anxiety, you must alter the perceived difficulty.
The challenge level you face in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're trying to do something that is out of your perceived skill range - like trying to make her attracted to you.
If you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an enjoyable conversation," then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill .
That's all!
All you have to do is alter the frame of your mindset from the extremely stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the harmless "I'm just gonna have a friendly chat with her." This puts no expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot woman.
If you don't overcome approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you can't reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long till Sunday but absolutely nothing will happen if you don't go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have lots of friendly, interesting conversations with attractive women...
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